One year away from graduating, and a couple months away from completing my year abroad, and to be honest, I’m rather stressed. My thoughts keep drifting to the future, and the ever looming fear that my life’s achievements peaked in high school doesn’t help. I have always dreamt big, and I don’t think that will ever change, but the worry that I’m not advancing and progressing as quickly as I need to to achieve all that I want to achieve, makes everything feel that much harder. I think about my plan, my next steps; do a masters, work on a production crew, gain experience, write my own films, make my own films, work my way up the ladder… It all just feels like if one part crumbles away, if I don’t quite hit the mark, it’ll all fall apart, and it’s terrifying. Of course, I’ve never been one to give up, and if one plan fails, you make another. Yet the whole idea that I turn 21 this year, and my childhood is now behind me, just leaves me without words. My life is flashing past, and I don’t want to look back in old age and have wasted it.
After my first day of class I’m finding that I’m no longer so terrified of being here. For so long I just didn’t want to come, all I could think about was how much I would miss home, and miss out on what all my friends would be doing. Especially as many of my friends would graduate this year leaving me to make new friends in the year below. At the time this seemed so daunting: how was I supposed to make friends with people who had already forged groups and were probably quite happy as they were? However, I’ve been reminded how easy I find it to make friends, and so some of that worry has slipped away. Of course I will still miss the friends I’ve spent the last two years with, and my friends back home, and those also on their year abroad, but good friends will always stay with you, so again my worry seems to slip away a little there. And with all these stresses that held me back turning out to be not so stressful, I’m starting to see just how much fun I’m going to have this year.