Turning an idea into an action is always harder than it sounds. You make a whole big list of things you want to do, things you want to make or write, a whole long bunch of possibilities, and in all likelihood you end up doing less than half of them. Or that’s how it usually ends up working for me. I write lots of lists and put them on my wall, to do lists, screeds of goals, and daily reminders, many of which I end up not completing. I fill notebooks with ideas, and then wonder if I’ll ever actually bring them into reality. I look at my bucket list (Yes, I’m 20 years old and I have a bucket list. It’s never too early to start, you know!) and wonder how many of the things I’ve written down I’ll actually manage to do. I also wonder if some of the things I have written down are too ambitious, then I remember that I may as well try, or what’s the point in having a bucket list? In any case I decided to think about my New Year’s Resolution early, and how maybe I should try and make more of my ideas actions.
I think my main problem with writing isn’t coming up with ideas, but the fact that my ideas often branch off into a hundred random tangents, and so what I write about ends up kind of messy. Structuring what I want to say and keeping it to the point just becomes difficult. Especially at night when my mind runs at a million miles an hour. You know when you are trying to go to sleep, and for some reason your tired mind decides now is the perfect time to come up with those award-winning ideas (or what your sleep deprived mind thinks are award-winning ideas) and you just can’t stop over-analysing everything. Yeah, I get like that a lot. (A good old existential crisis is always fun at 12am, right?) I lie awake in bed a lot, just thinking about things that have happened recently or ideas I have for the future. It’s probably one of the best times to think, in my opinion. It’s quiet, no one expects anything of you at that time of night, and the only thing you are avoiding at that point is sleep, and who needs that? (Me. I need sleep. I need eight hours or I am a zombie all day. Like, seriously, sleep is so important to me.) Continue reading “Waiting for Day”
It’s 11pm, I’m in the library, and although I should be focusing on my essay, I find myself unable to. Now, this may sound like every university student during exam and deadline season who just wants it to all be over so summer can start, but I think there’s something else to it. I let life get in the way of my work far too often. I let my mind go over everything that’s happened in the past few weeks, over-analysing all of it and just stressing myself out way too much. Life is difficult enough without getting worked up about the past. I should probably be more concerned about the future, but here I am, shaking my head at myself and not really knowing why I can’t just get my shit together and get my work done. Maybe it’s cause I’m scared of just how quickly time is passing, I do find myself staring at my calendar and freaking out at the fact I have less than 8 weeks left of Second Year. Fear tends to have two effects, you either freeze or you run… I think this could be classified as a freezing moment… Or it could be that I have so many things on my mind, that putting everything into a realistic timetable to get it all done, just seems like an impossible task. I could make up a long list of reasons why everything seems to come before writing 3,000 words of ‘insight’ into Hong Kong Cinema even though it’s due in less than 3 weeks, but that would just be more procrastination. Continue reading “Starting Now, Everything Changes”