Only six weeks left in China, and I’m starting to stress about all that comes with reaching the end of term, with the addition of figuring out how to get a year’s worth of things in one suitcase that must weight less than 35kg… It will be a great feat to say the least! Especially after visiting the Disney Store in Shanghai, I’m quite concerned about how much I will actually be able to fit into it. I’m also trying to fit more adventuring in before I leave. Since I last posted I’ve been to Shanghai and Tianjin. Both cities were amazing, though I have to say Shanghai was far more snazzy (snazzy? I don’t think I’ve used that word in a long time) as it had so many tall and beautiful buildings, and who doesn’t get wowed by seeing The Bund for the first time!?
One year away from graduating, and a couple months away from completing my year abroad, and to be honest, I’m rather stressed. My thoughts keep drifting to the future, and the ever looming fear that my life’s achievements peaked in high school doesn’t help. I have always dreamt big, and I don’t think that will ever change, but the worry that I’m not advancing and progressing as quickly as I need to to achieve all that I want to achieve, makes everything feel that much harder. I think about my plan, my next steps; do a masters, work on a production crew, gain experience, write my own films, make my own films, work my way up the ladder… It all just feels like if one part crumbles away, if I don’t quite hit the mark, it’ll all fall apart, and it’s terrifying. Of course, I’ve never been one to give up, and if one plan fails, you make another. Yet the whole idea that I turn 21 this year, and my childhood is now behind me, just leaves me without words. My life is flashing past, and I don’t want to look back in old age and have wasted it.
The three main things I’ve found myself struggling with since I arrived in Beijing are food, temperature, and the language barrier. These things can sometimes make my day just that bit more difficult than I feel I can cope with. So finding new ways to cope in this foreign environment are more than quite important. I have started finding small pieces of solutions to the culture shock of being on the other side of the world, however I’m still trying to work a fair chunk of it out.
It’s strange coming home after spending a long time away. Even though it’s only been a few months since I was last here, many things have changed. Mostly me. Continue reading “Home and Growing Up”
It’s 11pm, I’m in the library, and although I should be focusing on my essay, I find myself unable to. Now, this may sound like every university student during exam and deadline season who just wants it to all be over so summer can start, but I think there’s something else to it. I let life get in the way of my work far too often. I let my mind go over everything that’s happened in the past few weeks, over-analysing all of it and just stressing myself out way too much. Life is difficult enough without getting worked up about the past. I should probably be more concerned about the future, but here I am, shaking my head at myself and not really knowing why I can’t just get my shit together and get my work done. Maybe it’s cause I’m scared of just how quickly time is passing, I do find myself staring at my calendar and freaking out at the fact I have less than 8 weeks left of Second Year. Fear tends to have two effects, you either freeze or you run… I think this could be classified as a freezing moment… Or it could be that I have so many things on my mind, that putting everything into a realistic timetable to get it all done, just seems like an impossible task. I could make up a long list of reasons why everything seems to come before writing 3,000 words of ‘insight’ into Hong Kong Cinema even though it’s due in less than 3 weeks, but that would just be more procrastination. Continue reading “Starting Now, Everything Changes”